||[Jul. 13th, 2007|12:56 pm]
It has in fact come down to this.|
My spirituality over the past year is not even something I can get into at this moment, and as I am approaching the turning point (my hire date of July 27th) I have had to take a very elementary approach to it all.
I choose a Psalm the night before and go ahead and record which one and the date on a very small piece of paper in a journal. The wide rule stance and dimensions of the journal put my Mead Five Star college rule to shame.
And then I read that one Psalm the next night and read and reflect. I write messy and quickly. But I write. I might have read more in the last three days (this is very new) than I have in three months.
I feel shamed. Maybe that’s what it comes down to.
Last night was Psalm 103. And this struck me.
“Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle.” Psalm 103:2-5
Here’s what GOD does: forgives, heals, redeems, crowns, and satisfies. I feel like the order is so significant. And not in a way that I can really nail down with a three point sermon and an altar call at the end. I just know that step one is to be forgiven. And then let Him heal you so that He can redeem you. Crowning…like the becoming a daughter of the King in a non-Christian bookstore teen girl propaganda way. And then being satisfied.
I crave being satisfied. And though teaching has drastically altered my life especially spiritual life, summer has brought me to little moments of being satisfied. All very elementary but you know? Finishing a book, sunshine, hot coffee, learning, running.
And here’s where real life hits God: if you aren’t striving does that mean you are satisfied? Or does it mean if you are striving you are not satisfied?
It’s like going running after not doing it for a while. Asking these questions are like stretching and it feels a little awkward, but it feels good to ask such questions and not know the answers.
Mostly because it feels more like me.